I shed a tear for every year. I called your name and you didn't appear
Yet I was so damn glad to see you when I did, that my anger wasn't
released, inside me it just hid
As I played on the dirty floor, a dozen locks on the broken door.
I was always hoping you'd come through, but the men I'd seen were never you
So I never called you 'dad', attitude became bad, when you were hurt I was glad
Cause I felt deprived of my father, and that's what's so sad.
See it's taken me years to visualize, to recognize, why I criticize
It was the drugs on the kitchen table, the fact that I wasn't able
To interrupt your mental aim, keep the dope needle out of your vain
Man, I couldn't make you be around like a father should
Yet mama never stopped believing in you, told me through her tears
that your intentions were good.
Still I remember the few times when you did stop by
Dropped me off some dead presidents for all the tears I would cry
For all the love I was missing, all the things you weren't giving
But due to the hand you were dealt, this was how you chose to make a living.
You looked me in the eyes, told me to understand, you just weren't cut out to be
a family man, told me to be a soldier, forget my age, block out compassion
replace it with rage....
©1999 Thomas L. White III